true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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