i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i barfeds in our rink
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
