Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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