My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you win again, gameday.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
