Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
where are my eyebrows?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
