I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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