i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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