i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
