1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
