When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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