I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
