just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
