Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
