Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize