I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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