I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
