Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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