Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
