I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
