Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
