Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
