fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
