she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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