I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
