I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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