also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
