dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
