my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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