You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
