Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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