We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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