is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
