Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
