If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
