how can u be prego again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
