I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
