'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
