God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will pee on everything he values.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
