It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
