I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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