you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
