...so i touched it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
