So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
