It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
