My friends, they love my intelligence
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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