So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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