im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
