Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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