I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
