I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
