Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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