dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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