I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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