he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
