If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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