Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
