There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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