So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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