How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize