Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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