I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
