I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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