I looked at my own cervix.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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