My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
