I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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