she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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