you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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