I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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