Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
