Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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