I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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