So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
