I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
