Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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