watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
