she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
