3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
