Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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