I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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