i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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