In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
