All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
