Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
