What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
