I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
