I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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