That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
