I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
