I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
