dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
