Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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