I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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