i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
