Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
